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The Brazilian (and not the coffee kind)

Brazillian wax

What’s with everyone getting Brazilian’s?

I had never had one before. I just you know, kept everything ‘tidy’. But all my friends keep hassling me to try it, I mean I think when I was younger I pretty much did what every girl does when she starts getting some grass on the wicket. She immediately SHAVED IT ALL OFF.

And then three days later, for obvious reasons — regretted it.

Oh those were the days.

The night before my caesarian, one of the lovely midwives advised I would need it get it shaved ‘down there’.

At 9 months pregnant I hadn’t seen my lady garden in about 6 months. I was like a yoga ball on sticks.

So I rang the husband and told him he would need to bring in some shaving cream and razors. NOTE PLURAL. I had no idea what we were going to be dealing with and needed to be prepared.

It would seem Trent also felt the same.

The bastard joyfully walked through the maternity ward swinging a fluro yellow bucket filled with our very large CAR WASHING SPONGE, an electric hair trimming tool, an afro comb, garden shears and about 50 razors.

Thought he was real funny.

So anyway, back to the Brazilian. I wanted to go to someone I didn’t know so I went to one of those walk in places and they were really lovely. The lass looked about 15 years old, but she was super professional and assured me she had seen numerous nooker in her career and I wasn’t to be embarrassed.

I don’t think there is anything that can really prepare you for it. Let’s just say the faint ripping sounds and yelping in the cubicle next to me didn’t really help either. I sweated a lot, I was holding this and moving that and then you know when they do the back bit (yes people, the back bit) — holy moly. It doesn’t help that I am a nervous farter either. Thankfully I was able to restrain myself.  Then she gave me a mirror and asked me to inspect her work.

It looked like a tomato sandwich.

I walked out feeling very odd. Like when you have just shaved your legs and then you slide between silk sheets. I felt a bit cold too.

I went home to show the new wares to the husband, he approved. Really approved. Ahem.

I suppose I will have to maintain this shiny new area now. I’ve got creams and buffer gloves to assist with the process. I’m sending Trent to get the same, after all, what’s good for the goose?

If you are thinking about getting a Brazilian, theses are my top 5 Tips:

  1. Go to someone you are comfortable with and someone you don’t know, there would be nothing worse then rocking up to a beautician to find out that your high school crush Jared has now taking up waxing and you are his first client of the day. lol
  2. Trim the are yourself first, no dreadlocks < it will make the whole process a lot easier and less painful.
  3. Prepare to feel some pain, it is ripping hair out from your nether reasons after all.
  4. Hold your breath when they pull the strips off it does help with the pain < disclaimer we are not liable for anyone passing out haha
  5. Use the proper after care that your beautician recommends to avoid ingrown hairs.

Do you have any other tips to offer?

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Jess Steel
Jess Steel
Jess is a FIFO wife, respected columnist, full time worker and mother to one little cutie Oscar. Jess loves wine, cooking, dirty weekends away, reading, watching the Kardashians , snow cones and long walks on the beach. Jess loves fashion ( We can guarantee if its ‘on trend’ though she wont wear it). Jess is also prone to changing her hair colour. Want to see more of Jess? Check out her witty writing at and cook something amazing from her other site